Learning to Shine Without Shrinking

Growing up, I had a beautiful, innocent, and positive outlook on life.

I remember always wanting to help someone in need, care for others, compliment people sincerely, give thoughtful gifts, and look for the good in others.

Many people were kind to me in return, and I’m deeply grateful for them.

But over time, I started noticing something confusing:
Sometimes people reacted to my loving intentions and good choices in hurtful ways.

There were moments when people teased me, gossiped about me, lied to me, excluded me, or even stole from me — and some of those experiences continued well into adulthood.

I remember when I was young, some neighborhood kids threw snowballs with rocks in them at my brother and me while we walked home from school.

Sadly, experiences like this can be common when we’re young. Children are still learning how to handle insecurity, pain, emotions, and the desire to feel important or powerful. Sometimes people hurt others while trying to feel stronger themselves.

Most of us have probably experienced some form of that in our lives.

What intrigued me though, was that I often noticed negative reactions specifically when I was sincerely trying to do something good:
being faithful to God, showing kindness, respecting myself, sharing joy, or giving love freely.

I would sometimes receive responses that felt unusually harsh, judgmental, or disconnected.

It genuinely confused me.

I remember constantly checking myself inwardly:
Was I being prideful?
Insensitive?
Did I do something wrong?

I truly wanted to understand why love was not always received as love.

This pattern continued into adulthood and became one of many fascinating things I began observing about people, relationships, emotions, and life.

(By the way… I’ll probably talk a lot about “patterns” throughout this blog. I hope some of what I’ve learned helps you recognize patterns in your own life, too.)

Here I was trying to love people sincerely and navigate life with good intentions, yet some people responded with opposition, discomfort, or resentment.

It didn’t make sense to me.

I thought if I was loving and kind, people would naturally feel that and respond positively.
It seemed logical.
Shouldn’t it work that way?

For a long time, I wondered if maybe I was the problem.
Did I miss something?
Did I fail to love people correctly?

Over the years, as I learned more about myself — my personality, my spiritual gifts, my intentions, and what I genuinely wanted to contribute to the world — I also became increasingly aware of how deeply I could sense other people’s emotions.

I often felt very sensitive to the emotional and spiritual atmosphere around me.
Sometimes it felt as though I could sense fear, pain, insecurity, peace, joy, heaviness, or love in ways that were difficult to explain.

I realized that I experienced life very deeply.

For a long time, I felt different because of that.
It seemed like many people around me weren’t noticing the same things I was noticing, so it was often difficult to communicate with them about my experiences.

Eventually, I learned that I was an empath, and many things suddenly made more sense to me.

I realized that my sensitivity wasn’t only emotional — it affected my body too.
I often felt exhausted by tension, negativity, conflict, and emotional heaviness around me.

But… I felt the Good things in a big way as well.
The peace.
The beauty.
The Holy Spirit of God.
The joy.

I feel things deeply.
Both the painful and the beautiful.

As I began understanding this about myself — and realizing there were others in the world who experienced life similarly — I became more thoughtful and prayerful about the things I observed.

Instead of immediately becoming offended or defensive when people reacted negatively, I started trying to understand what pain, fear, insecurity, or past experiences might be influencing them.

When I noticed the insecurity, fear, judgment, emotional wounds, or lack of self-worth in someone, I didn’t just pray for them.
I began praying about them.

I would ask God to help me understand where they were coming from so I could respond with greater wisdom and compassion.

Doing this brought me so much clarity.

Now, something important to know is that ever since I was young, I learned to look inward FIRST.

If there was something in me that needed to change, heal, or improve, I genuinely wanted to address it.
I still feel that way.

I actually love that about myself.

I’m willing to grow.
I’m willing to be corrected.
I’m willing to change what needs changing so I can become a more loving and pure vessel in the world.

When we choose humility and honesty with ourselves, healing becomes much easier.
And honestly… much less scary than we sometimes imagine.

Observing people and relationships became fascinating to me.
But then… there was my body.

I also noticed unusual patterns in my health.
Even when I was trying to do all the “right” things, I still experienced chronic stress, pain, exhaustion, and physical struggles.

It didn’t make sense.

So thus began my quest to dig deeper.

I love asking “why” questions.
Not from rebellion, but from curiosity and a sincere desire to understand.

I’m incredibly grateful for how patient God has been with me through all my question asking.

As I grew older and tried to understand my place in the world, I started asking:
Why do goodness, happiness, beauty, confidence, joy, or light sometimes trigger insecurity or anger in others?

Over time, I learned about jealousy.
I learned about projection.
I learned how fear and insecurity can distort perception.

I learned about conscious and subconscious beliefs.

I realized that when people carry wounds related to rejection, shame, comparison, religion, appearance, self-worth, or failure, they sometimes project those inner struggles outward.

Sometimes people unconsciously direct pain toward those who represent something they fear they can never become.

And at times, I became the target of those projections.

The interesting thing is that I often didn’t see myself the way others seemed to see me.

Sometimes I would hear assumptions people made about me, and I would feel genuinely surprised.
I would think:
“Oh… that’s not what I did or intended at all!”

I often ached for people to know the real me.
But even more than that, I wanted them to know the real them.

Because I truly believe that if people really understood their own worth and goodness, they would suffer less.

Still, negative reactions throughout my life affected me deeply.
They impacted relationships.
They created heartbreak.
And over time, I slowly started believing a painful lie:
that my gifts, beauty, joy, love, talents, or happiness might somehow make life harder for others.

So I started shrinking.

I dimmed parts of myself in hopes of preserving peace and relationships.

I grew up singing, dancing, and performing, and those experiences brought me tremendous joy.
I loved making people smile, laugh, and feel uplifted.
There was something beautiful about sharing joy with large groups of people.

And I’m deeply grateful for every person throughout my life who received those gifts with warmth and encouragement.
Those moments created beautiful memories for me.

But in closer social settings — with friends, family, and everyday relationships — I became more aware of interpersonal dynamics.
I noticed how comparison, insecurity, fear, or judgment could quietly influence people’s reactions.

When I sensed someone feeling insecure around me, I often tried to make myself smaller so they could feel more comfortable.

Sometimes I avoided dressing too nicely.
Sometimes I stayed quiet about exciting things happening in my life.
Sometimes I hid my gifts, accomplishments, or happiness because I worried it might unintentionally make someone feel bad.

I wanted people to feel loved and safe.

But eventually I realized something heartbreaking:
I had started believing that hiding my light.. was kindness and safety.

So I found myself constantly asking:
Do I fully shine and allow myself to be joyful, gifted, expressive, and alive?
Or do I continue tiptoeing around everyone else’s insecurities in hopes of keeping peace?

Finding balance has not been easy.

I love people deeply.
I truly do.
Because I often see beyond people’s behavior and into their potential, their goodness, and their pain.

And it hurt when people couldn’t always see me through loving eyes — or see themselves through loving eyes.

Over time, though, I’ve learned something important:
There are moments when it’s right for me to step forward, lead, create, teach, encourage, and shine.
And there are moments when wisdom invites gentleness, listening, and restraint.

Balance matters.

I want people to discover and magnify their own gifts.
I genuinely love helping others feel valuable, capable, loved, and important.

So I continue practicing how to fully be myself, while also creating space for others to shine.

It’s definitely an ongoing journey.

Are there people in the world who struggle to receive goodness, kindness, beauty, wisdom, abundance, or light?
Of course.

But sometimes we are those people.

Sometimes we struggle to fully love and accept the good within ourselves.
And sometimes we struggle to celebrate it in others.

We are all learning.
We are all healing.
We are all trying to become more loving, wise, emotionally mature, and whole.

Sometimes people lash out from unresolved pain.
Sometimes we compare.
Sometimes we judge the very qualities we secretly long to embody ourselves.

It takes emotional maturity to pause, reflect, and respond with wisdom instead of reacting from fear or insecurity.

And that’s not always easy.
Many of our emotional patterns were shaped by childhood wounds, disappointments, rejection, fear, or trauma.

I choose forgiveness.
Not because it’s easy, but because I believe it leads to freedom.

And forgiveness includes forgiving myself when I make mistakes too.

To the friends who have quietly disappeared from my life over the years:
I still love you.
I still care about your happiness.

I know people carry fears, misunderstandings, insecurities, pain, and have challenging personal struggles.
And I believe that if we could all truly see one another — and ourselves — through God’s eyes, we would choose love more often.

I want to believe that goodness is welcome in this world.
That love inspires love.
That joy inspires healing.
That our gifts and talents were given so we could lift one another Higher.

As I’ve continued digging into my past, my subconscious beliefs, my experiences, and traveled my healing journey, I feel that God has gently guided me toward greater understanding.

I’m still learning.
Still healing.
Still growing.

But I now have a much deeper understanding of myself, people, relationships, and the world around me.

And I look forward to sharing more of that journey with you.

Thank you for creating space for the real me.
I hope this can also become a space where you feel safe being the real you, too.

(Stay tuned for more stories along the way…)

~ Lisa